Pregnancy Reflections

Well, I’m almost 38 weeks pregnant, and have barely written a single word on being what it’s been like.  Part of it is because life has been so intense and busy and moment to moment for the past six months.  Part of it is also because this pregnancy has been remarkably, amazingly easy.  Except for some early morning sickness and general fatigue, the most surprising and delightful part of pregnancy has been how totally normal I’ve felt. 

six weeks pregnant

I was 8 weeks pregnant, and fancied I had a bump. Oh, how little I knew of bumpage ;-).

I think a lot of what made pregnancy easier on a spiritual and psychological level had to do with how much getting pregnant clarified what we really wanted. Anthony and I knew we wanted to get out of New York, but I was on a hardcore PhD track that seemed challenging to get off of, especially considering how much I did enjoy it, despite the constant stress and lack of money.  We also have wanted to start a farm together for years, but it always seemed like a “someday” goal, rather than a “jump in” goal. It was an incredible gift from the universe that I got pregnant, and within a few days, we decided that we were moving out of the familiarity of New York and starting the life we really wanted. The kiddo gave us that, and for that, I will always be profoundly grateful. 

honeymoon bump

On our honeymoon – 10 weeks pregnant. 

While I found out I was pregnant in August and stopped working in October, we have been incredibly busy for the entire pregnancy.  We travelled between five states and three countries (Anthony far more, actually). We went on our honeymoon, spent time with family and friends, and found our farm.  We bought chickens, planted fruit trees and seedlings, met so many wonderful new friends, and got acclimated to living in an utterly different place. 

bump

Not the prettiest photo, but I was about four months pregnant. 

Even though we were constantly moving around, probably the best gift I was able to give myself, which only could happen because of our precipitous circumstance of being unemployed and childless, was and has been tons of sleep. Whenever I haven’t felt well, I’ve been able to lie down and rest, which has made the process so much easier.  I also feel like I’ve put a premium on my health and wellbeing in focused way, which has also helped – lots of walking, some yoga, healthy and balanced meals, no sugar or wheat, and occasionally giving in to my gluten- and sugar-free cravings have all made a profound difference. 

six months pregnant

The great thing about moving to the farm is being forced to be active at least for a portion of each day.  When we got a cord of firewood, I wasn’t going to let Anthony have all the fun of stacking it himself, regardless of whether I was 30 weeks pregnant.

stacking firewood

 The garlic wasn’t going to plant itself, and what better a way to get the baby in the ideal position than crawling around in the chicken brooder?  While I might not have had the skills to build the mantle of our fireplace, I was able to lovingly sand and finish it (wearing a respirator and using an all-natural, no emission finish).  I made sure that I was being careful about lifting anything heavy, and always stopping if it felt like too much, but in general, I’ve strived to do all that I can to be an active participant on the farm, and of course, just in setting up the house and making it ready for baby. 

Baby is now due in two weeks, and I’m working on the surrender that baby will come out when he or she is ready.  As a person who cherishes the illusion of control, allowing myself to just surrender to “baby time” is a challenge, but one that is helping me grow.  I was reading my old journal the other day, and was able to see on paper how neurotic and afraid I was all the time. I don’t feel that way anymore. We’ll see what happens when baby is on the outside, however – one day at a time. 

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